Courtney’s One Sentence Movie Reviews
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(2003) There’s some great performances and some great clever writing here but ultimately someone should’ve lobotomized this writer before he was actually allowed to complete the “4th wall breaking” part of this mess. |
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(2007) It took me a good 30 minutes befor I went “ew, what an awful idea for a movie” and turned it off. |
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(1959) Even if it weren’t Gregory Peck, Anthony Perkins, Ava Gardner and Fred Astaire it would still be a tedious little overwritten doomsday flick from the nuclear-scare era. |
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(2010) Oh man wouldn’t it be great if all the big blockbuster or really any of the lowest common denominator type movies from now on tried to live up to this level of dialogue and acting and filmmaking and uh…..oh, um never mind. |
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(2010) Sorry, can’t do the dead kids thing cuz it makes me wanna scream “fuck you, you sick fucks” at everyone involved in this project. |
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(1927) Holy shit, Al Jolson looks exactly like Steve Martin! |
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(1990) They’re trying to be real wacky and zany here but after about fifteen minutes I just couldn’t tolerate how much it sucked. |
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(1967) This movie is so totally fuggin cool that I didnt really mind the little bit of bad acting and editing which included some real ham-fisting by Star Trek’s very own Dr Roger Corby whose name it took me going to sleep and waking up to fully recall without any help from imdb. |
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The Imaginarium of Doctor Parnassus (2009) Being quite familiar with Gilliam’s progression I feel I can safely say that this visual extravaganza was not made one iota more confusing by the untimely passing of that wonderful Heath Ledger than it otherwise wouldve been. |
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(2009) Did a good job of making me real uncomfortable for an hour and forty-four minutes and I did laugh but only until they’d bring in the toothless indie acoustic rock songs for the Starbucks thirty-something viewers and that, of course, would totally kill my buzz. |
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(1979) About every five to seven years I really try to like this movie but I think the bigger problem here than Treat Williams’ eyebrows is that I just can’t dig on any of these tunes. |
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(2008) Don’t let the lame-ass “Something-ing Someone” title fool you, this flick is only about twelve lines shy of being the perfect gutbusting break up comedy of all time. |
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(1945) This film is awesome, and as per usual with this era, it starts out slow and clunky, but as per usual with Hitchcock, once it gets going it REALLY gets going. |
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(1968) Ian Fleming, Albert Broccoli, Roald Dahl, c’mon, there is no doubt in my mind that this is the most perfect example in its genre but just wait til the version comes out where I edit away the two songs that just don’t live up. |
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(1953) I guess I can see why Dr. Seuss hated the way this turned out but still it is a must-see and don’t forget to look for things that ended up in “The Simpsons.” |
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(2009) Oh okay, he really IS the fantastic Mr. Clooney. |
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(2008) I usually adore this kind of thing but not only was the dialogue glaringly sub-par, but if I wanted to watch people act and direct I’d get myself invited to the set. |
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(2009) Ahhhhhh there’s nothing to make ya feel sad, scared and alone in the world like a kids movie about how everybody is sad, scared and alone in the world. |
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(1987) The bonus here is that this fantastic Spielberg/Stoppard epic was made before Malkovich had a chute into his head, before Ben Stiller was funny then not funny, and before Christian Bale thought that acting meant talking in that ridiculous voice. |
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(2009) Not that I have ever seen a movie with her in it before (not even E.T.), but I’ll still bet you that I wasn’t half as surprised as Drew was to find out that she can seriously act. |
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(2004) This is a perfect indie film: it’s about flawed idealism colliding with flawed ideals and it just so happens that the filmmaker’s skillz are awesome enough to pull it off. |
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(1956) As silly as you think it’s going to be, but Star Trek lifts heavily from it so ya may as well rent it anyway. |
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(2003) Another new favorite, this one’s like Almost Famous set in London’s version of F. Scott Fitzgeraldom. |
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(2004) Whoa, this is one of the best movies I’ve ever seen and I’ve gotta say that the director really blew my mind…..well, on everything but the name. |
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(1954) Certainly the most un-epic war film I’ve ever seen, but almost anything around this era with Gregory Peck is worth watching. |
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(2001) Real good people tried real hard, |
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(1963) The all-star cast helps a lot to make this one of the best films of the later Hitchcock-style genre. |
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(2002 & 2005) Firefly: Ok, this show is one of my favorite things ever… but that said, I just wanna warn you that to truly get the epic experience out of it that we all so desperately desire, you’ll have to earn it by patiently cringing through some good size chunks of cheese. Serenity: Surprisingly, most of this movie comes across like a campy send-up of the show, but once again if you just hang in there… |
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(2008) Um, good enough. |
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(1999) Within the first ten minutes I was saying “am I crazy or is this my new favorite movie”, I and kept on saying it through to the end. |
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The Curious Case of Benjamin Button (2008) The writers were showing off, the cast and crew were showing off, the dp the editor the director the agents everyone to the point where I guess if you wanna make a movie this profound its gonna take a lot of fuggin show offs. |
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(1983) A great example of where the English always have had the market cornered on dorky little movies delivering the heaviest of life messages. |
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(1933) Apparently I don’t find Groucho Marx at all funny ever. |
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(2009) Although this potent series of life metaphors was enjoyable (when it wasn’t being too sad or boring),I ultimately found it a bit unsatisfying as a movie. |
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(1966) I kinda liked this late-era Hitchcock film, but it wins my awards for both “Weirdest Title Sequence in a Movie” and “Worst Opening Scene Between a Horribly Miscast Couple Ever”. |
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(2006) Although this is fairly interesting and terrifying through and through, he never seems to rereach the bar he sets with his stupendous opening shot. |
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(1972) Proof that Russians working out deeply philosophical relationship problems in space is no less boring than doing it on Earth. |
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(2004) For Stipe so loved gay, pregnant, and crippled teens that he produced this awkward after-Jesus-school-special that is definitely cult worthy. |
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(1959) Not even a pantload of lame 50’s dialogue and a million screamin chinamen can stop Gregory Peck from making this movie watchable. |
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(1944) A cute little story about murder featuring an unforgivably not-funny performance by Cary Grant. |
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(2008) It’s like “Snatch”and “Being There” meets “A Man For All Seasons” and boy is it ever smart as hell. |
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(2009) Not only fugging amazing but this is also the most important movie you could possibly make right now. |
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(2008) I just loved this movie and Clint is amazing but then again I’d be grumpy too if I was surrounded by such bad actors all the time. |
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(2008) Ham-fisted made-for-tv production makes this not only unwatchable but also makes these sometimes great actors seem like ten year olds who just got handed their first script. |
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(2008) How so many funny gags can equal such a tedious movie is something I hope I never actually find out. |
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(1999) If you’re really in the mood for this kind of thing let me reassure you its one of the dumbest. |
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(1961) From boring to irritating then back to boring, then on to frustrating then from there to abysmally depressing, and for quite a while, but then to an okay ending and then WHAM, back to depressing. |
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(1990) Doesn’t live up to Carrie Fisher as a writer but its still a somewhat goodish movie in a somewhat boring way. |
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(1973) If you told me you thought this was the greatest movie ever made I wouldn’t actually be able to say you were wrong so I would just say “yeah or Star Wars” |
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The Russians Are Coming, The Russians Are Coming (1966) Sixties cynicism of small town Americana dressed up in fifties zany hijinx…. pretty darn fun |
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(1941) Come on, Laurence Olivier,Leslie Howard and Raymond Massey together in a movie can’t be anything but great. |
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(1936) Holy shizz Gothman was right, this movie is legendary ridiculous powerful genius unforgettable embarrassing can you believe Humphrey Bogart with Leslie Howard and Bette Davis in a sexy dude version of that Edward G. Robinson film Key Largo. |
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(1967) Kind of a dumb little heart-strings-puller with real nifty style. |
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Charlie and the Chocolate Factory (2005) The original version is of course one of the greatest movies ever made and I must say that I found the new one where Johnny Depp plays Michael Jackson completely unwatchable. |
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(1931) Garbo is quite cool but its still just a goofy little ride featuring the goofiest dance number in the history of film, the poor dear. |
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(1941) I love the Welsh, John Ford, Maureen O’Hara and Roddy Mcdowell but this is still a gruelling two hour bout with near suicidal depression any way you slice it. |
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(2006) After recently touring the midwest I couldn’t help but think that everyone who came to our shows must feel like Luke Wilson in this movie at least a little bit every day except without the hijinks and hilarity.. |
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(2004) It is either interviews with only awful people or only interviews making people look like awful people. |
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(2009) Goofy, goofy and goofy. |
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(2009) Not a terrible way to spend the afternoon but the hammiest of ham writing with super mega action budget signified the end of the terminator series for me. |
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(1968) The overwritten modern dialogue can’t stop the sheer genius of this overwritten modern dialogue set in the court of Henry II and Elanor of Aquitania. |
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(2009) It’s been a week and I still haven’t found the words to describe the thrilling explosive mental genius that I experienced for the first time in my life during the first half of this movie (before the last half of this movie became X-men 9). |
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Let The Right One In (DUBBED) (2008) Easily one of the coolest movies I’ve ever seen (even though the translation and dubbing sounded like it was done by some first year Romanian ESL students in the Netflix version I saw). |
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(1972) With the assistance of the fast forward button this became quite an interesting short film. |
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(1987) SECOND REVIEW : I don’t just love this movie I want to BE this movie so from now on can everyone just call me Courtney “Withnail and I” Taylor-Taylor or something?. |
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(1983) Rodney was totally hysterical back in the day but for any number of reasons this movie totally isn’t. |
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(2007) I couldn’t help it I watched it three time in one week and laughed til I cried every time. |
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(2008) Directed by Steven Soderbergh I really wanted to know the story of Che but I couldn’t even make it thirty minutes into this lo budget thing which looks and feels like it’s only “pretty good” for a new style Mexican soap opera. |
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(2008) Directed by Darren Aronofsky The only thing more depressing than a movie about a guy who fucks everything up is a movie about a guy who fucks everything up then dies. |
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(1998) Directed by John Frankenheimer Even the ham-fisted writing, scoring and sometimes editing cant stop Robert DeNiro and several other great actors from entertaining you for around 100 minutes of “okay, let’s have another car chase….um, again”. |
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(2009) Directed by J.J. Abrams Not only is this amazing (in spite of the cheap drama of Kirk getting the crap beat out of him for about two solid hours) but more importantly it will go down as the greatest feat of casting in the history of motion pictures. |
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The Man Who Shot Liberty Valance (1962) Directed by John Ford No matter how much high school stage performance is going on here, I could watch Lee Marvin, John Wayne and Jimmy Stewart for another six to eight hours easy. |
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(2007) Directed by Francis Lawrence I don’t usually dig on horror flicks or Will Smith so much but I must say that something here worked for me. |
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(2009) Directed by Henry Selick Every frame is a work of art, and when viewed in this order they became very, very boring. |
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(1999) Directed by Jon Amiel I watched this one the night after watching the Avengers and although they are turds of distinctly different colors, the one thing they have in common is that I couldn’t make it to the end of either. |
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(1998) Directed by Jeremiah S. Chechik Oh puh-leez can’t you just all shut up and get on with the movie. |
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(2008) Directed by Gil Kenan If I was nine years old when I saw this I wouldn’t have thought it was a piece of shit, I’d have thought it was a piece of poo. |
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(2008) Directed by Christopher Nolan Every scene Heath wasn’t in made me wish he was. |
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(2008) Directed by Marc Forster Besides this looking like it was made for tv, the bits of plot that they strung together here made about as much sense as the title. |
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(2008) Directed by Ben Stiller I heard a lot of “well I guess there’s some funny parts” but personally I thought it was absolutely genius. |
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(2003) Directed by Vadim Perelman Just because this film is nearly perfect doesn’t mean I’m not going to say “Fuck this movie and it’s total bullshit needlessly depressing ending”. |
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(1976) Directed by Mel Brooks The interesting thing here is to watch a silent color film and it just happens that very couple hours or so they throw in a pretty funny gag. |
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(1972) Directed by George Roy Hill Okay, I just can’t seem to think of any clever way to say how knocked out I am by the genius on every level (ie cinematography, casting editing etc.) of this adaptation of the Vonnegut classic. |
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(2006) Directed by Kelly Reichardt This is some of the best writing ever and once Will Oldham comes in, this movie explodes out of it’s “hard to watch local/indie” first few minutes. |
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(1976) Directed by Frank Pierson I laughed a couple times what with the kitch and all but mostly you just almost hurl. |
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(2007) Directed by Christopher Guest A couple not very believable characters get this one off to a rough start but by the time they get around to basically making fun of MILK I was in actual hysterics. |
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The Simpsons Movie (2008) Directed by David Silverman Yep, still awesome. |
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Solaris (2002) Direcred by Steven Soderberg WARNING: this is actually a painfully long relationship movie set in space that could only be meaningful to those who have recently lost a loved one. |
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I, Robot (2004) Directed by Alex Proyas Okay, if you start this movie nine minutes and forty seconds in and you mute the sound every time the beautiful dark-haired woman speaks, you too might love this movie as much as I. |
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Punch Drunk Love (2002) Directed by Paul Thomas Anderson I doubt if I could truly like a person who doesn’t love this unfortunately titled masterpiece. |
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Elizabeth (1998) Directed by Shekhar Kapur Even with a great showing by Blanchett, this was more embarrassing more often than any movie ever. |
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8mm (1999) Directed by Joel Schumacher Damn this is one hard and dark son of a bitch. |
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The Legend of God’s Gun (2007) Directed by Mike Bruce Go ahead, rush out and buy this, but don’t put it on til you’re good and drunk. |
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The Good Shepherd (2006) Directed by Robert DeNiro This movie is just okay, but if you’re trying to fall asleep and can’t, it’s a godsend. |
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Georgia Rule (2007) Directed by Garry Marshall It took being trapped in a mobile Alabama hotel room at 3am to find out that thirty minutes into it, the actors start way kicking ass in this dialogue marathon. |
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Foul Play (1978) Directed by Collin Higgens Oh man this is like the episode of Matlock I always dreamed of but with no commercials and Chevy playing Matlock |
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Stalingrad (1993) Directed by Joseph Vilsmaier how much is it gonna run me to have this incredible movie dubbed into english so that i can watch it instead of read it? |
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My Best Friend Klaus Kinski (1999) Directed by Werner Herzog Well now I don’t like Kinski or Herzog or that actor lady who says stupid shit like “Kinski was a very intuitive actor… and so am I” |
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Seabiscuit (2003) Directed by Gary Ross Shitbiscuit. |
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Cloverfield (2008) Directed by Matt Reeves I wish I could shake the hand of every person who worked on this amazing movie and ask them why it’s called Cloverfield. |
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10,000 B.C. (2008) Directed by Roland Emmerich I’m confused and delighted at how well they pulled off this dumb idea for a movie. |
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Ned Kelly (2003) Directed by Gregor Jordan I really wanted to like this movie but it seemed to be written by an eight year old and scored by someone way too special. |
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dark city (1998) Directed by Alex Proyas kids this is why we put little breaks between the bits of soundtrack music. |
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Designing Woman (1957) Directed by Vincente Minnelli If you’re making a Cary Grant film, don’t get Gregory Peck. |
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Withnail and I (1987) Directed by Bruce Robinson the english at their englishy best. |
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Grizzley Man (2005) Directed by Werner Herzog I am horrified at how much of myself I see in this delusional retard who gets eaten by bears. PS: From Pete: You mean “The Gay Guy And The Bears Who Eat Him”? PPS: From Sarah Jane: I didn’t like it cuz it’s just Anton goes and lives with the bears until they eat him. |
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Match Point (2005) Directed by Woody Allen if you time it right and sleep through the first half, you will awaken to one of the greatest psycho thrillers of all time. |
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The Lady in The Water (2006) Directed by M. Night Shyamalan The scary thing about this movie is that the funniest parts weren’t meant to be funny. |
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Once Upon A TIme In THe West (1968) Directed by Sergio Leone Starring Henbry Fonda Long and boring, but at least it has a stupid ending. |
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Gandhi (1982) Directed by Richard Attenborough Starring Ben Kingsley This powerful and compelling story appears to have been filmed for television. |
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All About Eve (1950) Directed by Joseph L. Mankiewicz Starring Bette Davis, Anne Baxter How is it that one can see Bette Davis kick ass in the greatest feat of theatrical writing since Oscar Wilde for less than five bucks. |
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little miss sunshine (2006) Directed by Jonathan Dayton and Valerie Faris Starring Greg Kinnear, Toni Collette, Steve Carell, Alan Arkin A kinder, gentler Tenenbaums. |
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Day Of The Jacakl (1973) Directed by Kenneth Zinneman Starring Edward Fox A no bullshit European style thriller that is actually thrilling. |
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ARTHUR (1981) Directed by Steve Gordon Starring Dudley Moore Ham fisted does not even begin to describe the dialogue in this visually stunning epic. |
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THE CONSTANT GARDENER (2005) Directed by Fernando Meirelles Starring Ralph Fiennes The shittiest movie I’ve seen in a while. |
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The Aviator (2004) Directed by Martin Scorcese Starring Leonardo diCaprio Unwatchable. |
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MEET THE FOCKERS (2004) Directed by Jay Roach Starring a lot of people It boasts a cleverer title AND it made me less uncomfortable than Meet The Parents |
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THE BUTTERFLY EFFECT (2004) Starring Aston Kutcher Directed by Eric Bress Ashton Kutcher’s acting is a bit stop and go but the writer here is some kind of genius. |
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ROAD HOUSE (1989) Directed by Rowdy Harrington I don’t know about this whole campy ‘Patrick Swayze revival’ thing, but for me this one is right up there with Polyester |
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JERIMIAH JOHNSON (1972) Starring Robert Redford Directed by Sydney Pollack Just because Gregg rWilliams wants to be this guy, doesn’t mean that he needs to go around telling people to actually watch it. |
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COLD MOUNTAIN (2003) Starring Jude Law, Rene Zellweger Written by Anthony Minghella Directed by Anthony Minghella In the end, I am left wondering how so much can amount to so little. |
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PEE WEE’S BIG ADVENTURE (1985) Starring Paul Ruebens Written by Paul Ruebens and Phil Hartman Directed by Tim Burton At the time this movie was made, Paul Ruebens was clearly the smartest man in the world. |
